Most of us have a story about a guy/gal who was almost The One, but who ultimately wasn't. Here's mine:
When I was 22 I walked into a club and was immediately struck by a handsome guy sitting at the bar. In a rare fit of chutzpah, I told my friends I'd catch up with them later. Then I walked up and introduced myself to the cute guy. He was adorable, sexy, and fun. We had even gone to the same college (but didn't know each other then) so we had plenty to talk about. He asked for my number and eventually we started dating.
I loved hanging out with him. We'd stay out late and sleep in later. Morning brunches turned into afternoons spent at taverns where he knew the waitress and the owner. I liked the feeling of being a "regular." I'd hop on the back of his motorcycle and we'd drive through city streets while spring flowers bloomed. His friends were vegans, punk rockers and artists. I, on the other hand, lived in a house full of girls who wore J.Crew and worked 8-6 like me.
He was (and is) also full of Southern-bred chivalry, a caring soul and an inquiring but healthfully cynical mind. Throughout the months we dated I remember really REALLY wanting him to be The One, but over time I realized more and more that for whatever reason, he just wasn't. I can still recall exactly how sad, disappointed and confused I felt when I finally admitted to myself that he just wasn't IT.
And then came a little bit of panic: if this guy isn't IT, then what/who is?
Now that I know my husband, that question has been answered. But it took me several more years of dating before figuring out what it was that I was looking for. And it turns out that the cliche about not knowing what you want until you find it is true: things I love most about my husband weren't even on my radar when I was younger and looking for The One.
It recently occurred to me that career love affairs sometimes follow a similar path. Mine definitely has.
When I was in law school I started exploring the local legal market. I'd check out what firms were in town and practicing in areas I thought were interesting. Eventually I discovered a firm that looked too good to be true. It all but owned the sector I thought I wanted to work in. It had a national presence but a home base emphasis in my state. It was progressive and dynamic and leading change in the field. Comments from young attorneys who worked there were overwhelmingly positive.
Based on their published hiring criteria, however, I figured my chances of getting hired were pretty low. They rarely took people right out of school and when they did they were the ones with rock star credentials that I felt I couldn't compete with.
My first job was at a different firm, but I kept lusting after a position with the firm I thought was The One. Then, after a few years of experience and a reference from a colleague I got an interview! The meeting went great. Within a few weeks I had gotten an offer and given notice to my old job.
This was my Dream Job, and I really REALLY wanted it to be The One.
But, you guessed it. Over time I realized more and more that for whatever reason, the job I thought was perfect for me was not so perfect.
It felt strikingly familiar. I was sad, disappointed and confused.
Then came the panic. Ohmygod. The Job - this thing I had aspired to that I was sure was what I was looking for was actually NOT right for me.
What now? What should I do instead?
When it comes to Career, what does The One even look like?
~~~
It's now a few years later and to be honest with you I'm still working through this one. I keep trying new things, meeting people in new fields, and working to keep my spirits up.
It's hard, this (job) dating thing. I've felt doubt, confusion, and frustration and I've beaten myself up about not having it all figured out just yet. But I haven't given up, and I'm pretty proud of that.
If you're going through the same thing I'm right there with you. It takes work to keep going. But I know it's is worth it.
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