Dear Office Chair Model B4061,
I realize neither of us wanted it to come this far. I don’t doubt that at 6:45 on Tuesday
morning you would have been happy not to have awoken to me booting up my
computer and proceeding to sit, squirm, perch, and recline on you with little
reprieve until well after sundown. And please believe me when I say that when I
finally left your company at around 10 pm on Wednesday night I was not sorry to
see you go. But considering that
you and I have spent no fewer than12 hours a day in direct contact with each
other for the past week, I think it is time to have The Talk.
I am an old fashioned girl who values certain things in a
relationship. And over time I have
begun to notice certain things that you do – little things – to let me know you
care. Like the way your armrests adjust a few inches forward and so I can rest my
elbows on your foamy limbs while scroll through thousands of files online. Or how your seat back is just the right
height for me to alternate between letting my head loll against it in apathy or
bang against it in frustration. It really is quite thoughtful.
There are hundreds of ergonomic office chairs out there, I
know. But I have grown quite fond of you in particular. That means that even though I sometimes
can’t tell whether it is leather or pleather, I find your everyday wardrobe of all
black to be mysterious and artsy. The
liberal arts major in me loves that.
And when I realized today that both your seat and your back adjusted I
realized how lucky I am to have you.
I know you may be shy, or confused, or afraid of ruining the
solid but more casual friendship we have established over the past year, and I
completely understand. I also realize that I haven’t made it easy for you. If it bothers you when I sit
cross-legged, accidentally jab you with a high heel, or tap-tap-tap my pen
against your edge please let me know. I know I owe you an apology for spilling soda on you the other
day. Please believe me when I say
I am truly sorry; but at least it was diet, and I wiped it off right away. Anyway, since this case doesn’t seem to be going
away, we’ll have a lot of time to work through these things. So if we’re going to make this official,
I see no reason to wait.
I ask that you think about it. And please know that, as long
as the parties in this lawsuit are unable to resolve their differences short of
judicial intervention, I’ll be there with you. Seven days a week.
I think we can make it work.
Xoxo
~AJ
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